After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize