i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
