I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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