went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
