Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
