Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
