Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
