I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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