Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
