3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
