Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
