God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Randomize
