yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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