He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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