I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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