my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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