I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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