Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think my mom watched the whole time
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
