Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
