Porn is love you can see.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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