Where are you?
In a non slutty way
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
