i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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