Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
