he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
