He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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