He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
