All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
