did you get engaged???
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
