I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
