I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
