Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
