I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
