pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
