it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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