When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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