I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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