This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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