i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
