He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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