btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
