Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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