what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
