She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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