Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
