smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
