when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just tell him i said nine months
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
