My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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