as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it glows. i had to have it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
