How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
