i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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